Executive Decisions

Gwaah, what? So bright! It’s light out. Not night anymore? Oh yeah, morning. Saturday morning? No, Monday morning. Drag. Have to go to work. Should I go to work? No! Today’s the day, no more wage slavery for me. Gonna drive the van to New Brunswick, hang out for while, be cool. Aw crap, van was just a dream. Have to go to work!

Okay, morning food. Uhhhhh…breakmeal? Nope? Break…fast, yeah that word. Trix or wheaties? No milk. Boooo. Okay, poptarts. Only boring cinnamon left. Damn. Confront roommate later? No, better not. Might be my fault we don’t have Smores flavor. Mental note: investigate whose fault it is that we don’t – wait, poptarts go in toaster or microwave? Toaster = fewer buttons. Microwave = closer. Beep boop boop! Go, microwave, go! Dude, forty seconds to wait?! Showertime!

Waaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiit. Shower necessary? What says B.O.? Pits…passable. Double deodorant. Skip shower, conserve precious water. Thinking about the bottom line, cutting costs. Movin’ on up that corporate ladder. Music needed. What song? “Eye of the Tiger.” Boo-yah!

Shower not essential, clothes still required. Where are Monday pants? Here are Monday pants. Sigh. Monday pants are depressing. Take a chance, wear Tuesday pants? Yes, go for gusto, be corporate pirate. Hmm…changing pants schedule, maybe I’ll think Thursday is Friday. Yes, probably will. Worry about that on Thursday. Okay, socks, shoes, and Monday shirt: All Aboard!

Okay, put things in pockets. Keys? Yes. Phone? Hmmm….okay. Licorice candy? Yes, need fortification and nutrients for work week. Survival knife? Heart says okay, Head says “Don’t get fired.” Shut up, Head. Knife yes. Glasses? No, not in pocket, put on face. Good work.

Okay, transportation. Take car or bus to work? Look at calendar. Thirty days since bus suspension for spilling box of ball bearings? No, twenty-seven. So, car. Oh no, didn’t eat poptarts. A pox on you, microwave! Poptarts are very dry. Need beverage. Tap water? No, juicebox. Cupboard empty? No juiceboxes! Go to store, get juiceboxes on way to work? Can’t be late again this month or lose pay. But: So very thirsty. That’s it, be a man. Make the tough decisions. Yes, go get juiceboxes, but buy some for boss. Beating the system, hooray!

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