Little Science Wizard

For over twenty-five years, our company has been the world-leader in science educational kits and the development of our good nation’s next generation of great young minds. As the Vice-President of LearnPower Inc., I stand behind my company’s exceptional record in quality scientific educational supplies.

Our records indicate that you purchased our high-end kit “Little Science Wizard” either through our catalog or web store in the previous nine months, and I am legally obligated by the states of Massachusetts, Florida, and California to apologize for what can best be described as a grave lapse in judgment on behalf of myself and my company, LearnPower Inc.

When we first envisioned “Little Science Wizard” chemistry and physics set as a top-of-the-line educational kit for young scientists, we hoped to provide unlimited potential for discovery. Regretfully, it seems, “Little Science Wizard” was a little too unlimited for state and national safety and controlled substance guidelines.

To start, “Little Science Wizard” contained all the necessary ingredients for the synthesis of (2S)-N-methyl-1-phenyl-propan-2-amine, also known as methamphetamine, meth, crystal, speed, ice, crank, or desoxyephedrine. However, the real mistake was the step-by-step instructions provided in the “Little Science Wizard Fun Mix Science Book” included with the “Little Science Wizard” set.

We also are deeply sorry that every set came with a twelve-inch stick of sawdust-stabilized dynamite. A supply chain problem importing what were supposed to be Chinese “mystery fizzle sticks,” resulted in the dangerous substitutions, and our prayers go out to the families who lost love ones as a result of our inexcusable mistake.

It would be a travesty for me to neglect to mention the “Little Apothecary” set of potions included with “Little Science Wizard.” Many of these “potions” were actually mixes of powerful anesthetics and, in a couple cases, tropical neurotoxins harvested from several deadly varieties of frogs and conch shells. The picture on the box of a child injecting his friend in the ear was not only scientifically misleading but also encouraged children to inject their friends with these dangerous toxins and controlled chemicals. Primarily in the ear.

We have long stood behind the inclusion of chemicals that are, to some extent, dangerous in our “Little Science Wizard” sets as an essential part of helping young scientists properly explore chemistry and the physical sciences, however we now recognize that we stepped over several boundaries, that at the time, we should have recognized. Likewise, please accept our court-ordered reparation check for $1.85 and a gift certificate to our award-winning web store, which includes scientific supplies, flash cards, and apparel.

Thank you for your understanding,
Peter McGivins
Vice-Preisdent, LearnPower Inc.

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